The Very Model Of A Modern Unitarian?

The Emerson Avenger's rather militant version of Gilbert & Sullivan's comic opera song 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General'

This is most certainly not the Rev. Dr. Christopher Gist Raible version of - 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian'*


I am the very model of a modern Unitarian,
I'm "liberal", and "Humanist", remarkably contrarian,
I know some things of Channing, but ignore the fights historical,
From Coleridge to Emerson, because I'm hypocritical;
I'm very unacquainted too with matters theological,
I understand our pagans are most flaky and illogical,
As a religious "Humanist" I'm dealing with some nasty news,
With many fearful facts about those "fundie" atheist U*Us.

I'm very good at being corpse-cold, indifferent, and callous,
I know the U*U logo is a form of flaming chalice,
In short, in matters human*itarian and Social*ist Darwinian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

I don't know our mythic history of corpse-cold Unitarians,
I won't answer to those rumours about Nazi Unit-Aryans,
I quote in U*U blogs the many crimes of Roman Catholics,
While turning a blind eye to those of our own U*U clerics,
I Deny, Ignore and Minimize U*U abusers and barbarians,
I can't hear the croaking chorus from our famous Unitarians,
Then I do my very utmost not to face the music's din again,
And ignore the whistle-blowing of that infernal Emersonian.

Then I can write a blog post in barbaric and insulting form,
And tell U*Us every detail of the Accepted Straight Man Uniform;
In short, in matters Wagnerian, Bavarian, and Totalitarian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

In fact, when I know what is meant by U*Us are unravelin',
When I can't tell the difference between some U*Us and Joe Stalin,
When affairs of U*U clergy are surprises I don't dare berate,
And when I know precisely what is meant by to "commiserate". . .
When I have learnt what progress has been made in U*U shunnery,
When I know no more of ethics than a U*U in a nunnery:
In short, when I've a splattering of anal U*U funnery,
You'll say a better U*U has never ever sh*t on me.

I know that Robin's knowledge, though quite lucky and adventurous,
Has insultingly been put down by U*U Atheists Acrimonious;
But still in matters contrarian, sectarian, and indeed barbarian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

* A work** in progress. . .

** Dare I say a masterpiece? ;-)

Comments

crallspace said…
How long does it take you to construct these, with the google placement and all?

I mean, why not link to a google search of "jerk" when creating a link to a specific name, instead of "jerks who've been mean to Robin Edgar." ???

Do you think anyone is going to google that specific of things that you link to?
Robin Edgar said…
The whole idea of the Google search links is to provide background to anyone, U*U or otherwise, who wishes to engage in a free and responsible search for the truth and meaning behind the modified lyric. The Google links provide evidence that what I am saying has plenty of foundation in fact. In some cases I do link to specific web pages but the Google search results lead readers to a broader range of background material.
Robin Edgar said…
Another reason for the Google links, that often point to dozens and even hundreds of pertinent search results, is to display to U*Us (and anyone else who might be interested) glimpses of the the ever growing mountain of U*U sh*t that a decade's worth of deep denial, willful ignorance, and gross neglect has left scattered all over the virtual "backyard" of the U*U religious community if you catch my drift. . . ;-)

I don't expect Unitarians, or anyone else, to run exactly the same searches that I link to in order to provide evidence in my posts. I do however expect U*Us to understand that there is now so much sh*t in their virtual backyard that all kinds of different searches will bring up posts about U*U injustices, U*U abuses and U*U hypocrisy, as well as how U*Us have jerked me around over the years. . .
crallspace said…
But as diverse as UUs are, how can you lump them all together? Why not just say that PEOPLE have been shitty to you all these years?

At Baptist churches or say, Disciples of Christ, the mindset and belief system are pretty well homogenous. At UU, it's across the board. you have atheists, recovering Christians, true Buddhists, freaks who are confused about spirituality, friendly people, unfriendly people, eccentric people... I don't think anoyne who is at the stage of life that they'd seek out a UU congregation has any question that organized religion's human factor is often a let-down. I don't think lifelong UUs would deny that there is potential for assholism either.

I understand those who rage against Christian organized religion, or other major belief systems like Catholicism (which is not Christianity), Islam, Orthodox Judaism, etc. But an outcry against a religious movement that lacks the dogma and requirement of being of one mind... a blog devoted to talking about how an admittedly imperfect religion is in fact, imperfect... I must say it boggles the mind.
Robin Edgar said…
:But as diverse as UUs are, how can you lump them all together?

Well I am not really doing that Dan. The U*U religious community as whole bears responsibility for its injustices, abuses and hypocrisy but I am usually quite careful about who I am targetting when I criticize U*Us. Even this satirical reworking of Gilbert & Sullivan's 'I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General' refers to a few subspecies of U*U rather than lumping all U*Us together. In fact I clearly differentiate between this "Modern Unitarian" of fairly obviously stereotypical secular Humanist stripe and pagan U*Us who he or she despises. . . N'est-ce pas?

:Why not just say that PEOPLE have been shitty to you all these years?

Because that would be ridiculous. I am talking about the shitty behaviour of U*Us not other people. Of course other people hav been shitty to me but U*Us have really made a God-awful mess of it and continue to do so. . . This blog is about U*U injustices, abuses and hypocrisy, and not just those that directly affect me, because I expect U*Us to start practising justice, equity and compassion in their human relations with me and other people rather than oh so hypocritically "affirming and promoting" principles and ideals that they make a total mockery of.

I might as well ask you -

Why not just say that PEOPLE have let their dog sh*t in your yard?

You know who is responsible and, even if other people all around the world let dogs sh*t all over the place, it's your sh*tty
neighbor that you have an immediate problem with.

:At Baptist churches or say, Disciples of Christ, the mindset and belief system are pretty well homogenous. At UU, it's across the board. you have atheists, recovering Christians, true Buddhists, freaks who are confused about spirituality, friendly people, unfriendly people, eccentric people... I don't think anoyne who is at the stage of life that they'd seek out a UU congregation has any question that organized religion's human factor is often a let-down. I don't think lifelong UUs would deny that there is potential for assholism either.

Well I'm sure not denying it but, in light of claimed U*U principles and ideals, I fully expect U*Us to responsibly deal with assholism when it arises within U*Uism and clean up U*U messes.

:I understand those who rage against Christian organized religion, or other major belief systems like Catholicism (which is not Christianity),

Oh dear you just put your foot in it Dan. . .

:Islam, Orthodox Judaism, etc. But an outcry against a religious movement that lacks the dogma and requirement of being of one mind... a blog devoted to talking about how an admittedly imperfect religion is in fact, imperfect... I must say it boggles the mind.

My "outcry" is not against the U*U "movement" Dan. It is against injustices, abuses and hypocrisy that degrade the U*U movement. None of the Biblical prophets "raged" against Judaism. Their "outcry" was directed at Jews who failed or refused to live up to (dare I say it?) the principles and purposes of Judaism. . .