U*Us Know The Drill. . . For U*U Eyes Only The U*U Jihad Secret Weapons Development Department Is Pleased To Announce It's Latest Secret Weapon. . .

The U*U Jihad Secret Weapons Development Department is mightily pleased to announce it's latest Secret Weapon to the whole-wide U*U World. Taking a "both/and/or/or reversed"* cue from General Motors' aka GM's marketing of the "Humvee" (from "HMMWV" a military term for "High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle") military vehicle to civilians in the form of the Hummer, the multi-talented, to say nothing of multi-sexual, Rev. Dr. Eric Theodore Cartman III has successfully completed some "less than obvious" but really quite significant body modification to his real world famous civilian Hippie Drill vehicle to bring it up to the stringent requirements of the U*U Jihad Armed Forces. All materials and components of what *was* the Rev. Dr. Eric Cartman's previously road tested Hippie Drill have been replaced with military grade materials and components that meet the 21st Century aka NU*U Millennium needs of the U*U Jihad Army Engineers.

Most of these modifications cannot be revealed but we can reveal that Eric Cartman's Hippie Drill, now known U*U World-wide as the U*U Drill or, more truthfully and accurately, the U*U Anal Probe Drill aka the U*U Anal Probe Machine, has been fitted with military grade ARMOR GARD® steel plate armour from Heflin. Armor Gard® is most commonly compared to Mil-A-46100 armour plate for its ballistic defeating properties and is used in a wide variety of armouring applications including U*U Jihad Military projects such as the U*U Drill. Heflin's Quality Assurance department assures the U*U Jihad Army that absolutely nothing aka love will ever penetrate the Armor Gard® protected U*U Drill while it is busy penetrating diverse targets in the U*U World. In fact a U*U Jihad mole in Heflin's Quality Assurance department let it be known to The Emerson Avenger that the "less than secret" impenetrable firewall around the corpse-cold U*Unitarian heart of UUA Ministerial Fellowship Committee Executive Secretary Rev. Beth Miller is made from half-inch thick Mil-I-45208A Armor Gard® armour. . . That's what *I* call impressive!

For reasons known only to The Emerson Avenger aka The Dagger Of Sweet Reason the U*U Drill aka the U*U Anal Probe Drill will most probably be first seen in the U*U World by some terrified U*U eyes at the First Unitarian*Universalist Church of Indianapolis aka the UUI. U*U Jihad Army military strategists are currently studying the 'Weapons Policy' of the Unitarian*Universalist Fellowship of Franklin, North Carolina, which states -

No items, concealed or not, that can be reasonably defined as weapons may be brought onto the buildings and grounds which comprise The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Of Franklin, North Carolina

U*U Jihad military strategists are convinced that the U*U Drill aka the U*U Anal Probe Machine can be no more, or indeed no less. . . reasonably defined as a weapon than the Statue of Liberty's torch can be reasonably defined as a weapon. In any case, even if the U*U Drill *can* be reasonably defined as a weapon by ever so "progressive" paranoid Unitarian*Universalists, the FU*UC's 'Weapon's Policy' aka 'No Weapons Policy' only speaks about weapons that may be brought *onto* the buildings and buildings and grounds which comprise Franklin Unitarian*Universalist Congregation aka compound. The FU*UC's 'Weapon's Policy' aka 'No Weapons Policy' says absolutely nothing aka love about weapons that may be brought *into* the buildings and grounds which comprise the FU*UC of Franklin, North Carolina, from underground. . . Quite frankly, the attitude of quite pragmatic U*U Jihad Army general Rhett Butler, who takes after General George S. Patton and other "less than soft spoken" generals who carry big sticks and even get into pissing matches with skunks on the odd occasion, is summed up in the following pithy statement -

"Frankly*n, my dear, I don't give a damn."

As far as U*U Jihad Army Engineers are concerned aka AFAU*UJAEAC, the U*U *Drill* aka the U*U Anal Probe *Machine* is more reasonably described as a tool than as a weapon. :-)